What a difference from yesterday!!

Yesterday I was a mess! I went to my doctor's appointment hoping for some answers and some relief. Well I didn't get either...at least not yesterday. My doctor has no idea why I would suddenly be having such awful periods. She did a blood pregnancy test to rule out miscarriage. Which it was negative. But that whole thing was a horrible experience. Normally she sends me down to the lab to have blood drawn. I have had a lot of blood drawn in the last three years and it is always easy for them...first try, everytime. They always comment on how easy it is to find my veins and draw the blood. Well for whatever reason, my doctor drew my blood this time. And it took her three painful times! The last one was the worst. It really hurt! I swear if she wouldn't have gotten it that time I was going to say no more! My arms look bad where she poked me. And the one she drew the blood from is horrible! And it still hurts! My friend said she blew out my vein! YIKES! I like my doctor and all...but not planning on letting her draw my blood again! So she sent me on my way with some provera to stop the bleeding and some birth control pills, in case I wanted to take them to try to regulate my cycles again and stop this horrible bleeding from starting.

Now for today! The provera worked even faster this time then last. I am barely bleeding now, after only two pills! Last time it was four pills. I feel awesome now! And am counting down the minutes until I get off of work tomorrow (planning on leaving early) because Donny took vacation from work...and so he has the whole weekend off!! And thanks to the provera I am really going to enjoy it! :D I am still not sure whether to go ahead and take the birth control in hopes of regulate my cycles or if it might make it worse. But I have until sometime shortly after the provera is gone (which I have 8 more days of it) when I start to bleed again, to decide whether to take it or not. So for now I am going to enjoy things the way they are!

~Melody

UGH! (that says it all!)

Well I have once again gotten really lax in posting. Well as I type this I am once again suffering from a horrible visit (not to mention late) from AF. It's like before...heavy and a lot of clots. I am on day 9 of it! YUCK! I was 19 days late this time. And from last cycles chart I am easily assuming that I didn't ovulate. It so sucks to bleed like this. I have no energy, and going anywhere is a major ordeal. I am constantly in the bathroom and worrying about leaking. This weekend I really wanted to go to this haunted forrest that Donny's family is doing in Missouri...but I won't be able to have fun if I am constantly in the bathroom...and worrying about leaking. Nothing is any fun right now. Staying home is the only solice. I don't understand what is going on. I had my first menstral cycle when I was 13. From then until I went on birth control at age 19 I had medium flow for 3 to 4 days. No clots, mild cramping. Then after birth control until now....it was light for the most part (occasionally a bit of medium) for only 2 to 3 days. Now I am going 2 to 3 weeks with heavy flow and lots of clots...and only stopping with meds. WTF is going on! I am so frustrated! It is bothering me so bad I am considering going back on birth control in hopes of it not happening anymore. I mean geez if I am not going to get pregnant, what is the point of putting up with this!?!?!

~Melody

I have done it again...

I haven't posted in forever! I go in spurts it looks like. Post for two or three days close together...and then not again for weeks!

Well I kept all three of my nephews all weekend! I got them after work Friday and didn't take them home until supper time last night. It was exhausting. The littlest (he is going to be two in November) is an only child and not used to having others to play with. But he is also not used to there being so much to get into! I have so many knick knacks and such...I swear I spent all weekend following him around saying "No Adam!". LMAO. The other two (8 yrs and 3 yrs) are brothers so of course I dealt with the usual sibling squabbling. They brought I swear 50 cars to play with...but of course they fought constantly over this one pickup! LOL. It was crazy. And they didn't want the little guy messing with their cars for the most part. But he didn't understand when they had them in lines across the coffee table...that they didn't want him to move one! LOL. He was just trying to help the flow of traffic. :)

So I haven't had my period yet and I think I am on day 37. But my temp has been all over the place since last time so I must not have ovulated. Not a big surprise for many reasons. The first being I haven't taken Clomid in quite awhile. And with last time being so messed up I am sure that didn't help. Plus being sick didn't help. And I have been taking Zoloft for my IBS. I think I am just going to sit back and enjoy being AF free right now. It's the end of summer and the start of fall...we have a million things we are trying to cram in before it gets too cold, so I think I will just use it to my advantage...who has time for AF when you are so busy?? The plus to taking the Zoloft for my IBS...I swear it takes a lot more to make me mad! Last weekend Donny got home from work and when he was ready to go to sleep (at like 8 am) he asked me if I could go lay on the couch instead of sleeping with him. I usually stay up late and then sleep at least for awhile with him. Normally I would have been insulted and angry. Instead I simply said "Sure honey, it's okay. I am not that tired anyways." I walked out of the room and thought "But it's not okay." I think he likes me taking it because he doesn't find himself in as much trouble for stuff! LOL.

I boxed up all the baby clothes (I have collected over the years) by gender and size last week. I am thinking of selling basically everything baby I have. I will probably keep the crib and toddler beds...maybe the stroller and a car seat too. But I think everything else I have left from doing daycare I will sell. It's not likely I will be doing daycare again, my job pays more than I could make doing it. And it's not looking likely I will need it anytime soon for myself. Besides being unprepared seems to be the true key to becoming pregnant anyways! It makes me sad to part with it, some of it was given to me by close friends and family so it has some sentimental value...but it's not doing any good boxed in my back bedroom (the playroom as we call it).

~Melody

Today's goods and bads...

Okay so the best part of today is...that ten years ago on this day Donny gave me his class ring and asked me to be his girlfriend! It's really hard to believe it has been that long. At that moment of course I hoped it would be for a long time....but I know that it will be forever now! Our families and friend didn't figure we would stay together because we were so different. And honestly we were a lot different back then. But now we have grown together and while we still have our differences, we are now a lot the same. We showed everyone that we were meant to last...we have outlasted many relationships and even some marriages of our families and friends. I am so happy and feel extremely loved each and every day with Donny!

Now for the bad. I am still sick. I can hardly sleep, have bad stomachaches, diarrhea, fever, and can't eat. So I am heading to the doctor at 2:15. My friend says it sounds like either my gall bladder or a cyst that is bleeding. Whatever it is they need to find it and fix it...I can't take many more days of this. I hate not functioning normally! I will hopefully know more very soon!

~Melody

Not Feeling Well At All...

I don't know what is wrong with me. It started after supper last night. I got very nauseous and just plain didn't feel good. I have problems with my stomach from time to time. Mostly all that happens is I get horrible intestinal cramps and have to sit in the bathroom, and basically clean my intestinal system out (I think it's IBS). Then within an hour or so I am fine. I can eat again and everything. But the last two times (last night being the second) it didn't just end. I got the chills and a fever, along with being very achey. By 2 am I was running a 101 temperature. Which is really high for me considering my normal temp is only around 97.0 to 97.5. I hardly slept at all because of the sweats and chills and also it ached to move. I couldn't get comfortable at all. When I got up for work my temp was still 99. Here it is after 3:00 pm and I still feel horrible. Very weak and very achey. I can't wait to go home. I am trying to eat. But it's taken me an hour and a half to try to eat half of a sub style sandwich. And that is forcing myself because I am not hungry at all. My boss says I need to go to the doctor because she got a yeast infection in her colin once and it makes you think you are getting the flu frequently. And that is what this feels like. I am hoping it goes away very soon. I hate feeling this way. I can't concentrate to accomplish anything here at work...and I certainly can't accomplish anything physically, like vaccuming-which I really need to do.

At least it waited until last night to make me sick. Sunday we went to a drive-in that just opened about 45 minutes from our house. We saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the Dukes of Hazzard. I enjoyed both movies and very much enjoyed sitting out under the stars watching them! Some things that make a comeback are wonderful!

~Melody

Where does the time go??

Wow I can't believe I haven't posted for that long! I am happy to say that I didn't bleed for about two weeks. And then I when I started again it was heavy...but only lasted four days. So it was obviously AF. Hopefully I am back on track now. I am having a little trouble accepting that all the bleeding was just a "bad period". In my mind (and heart) I really feel like it was a miscarriage. So much for not over testing. I will now become ranked right up there with those addicted to peeing on a stick. Only not so much because I am anxious to know whether or not I am pregnant...but as a precaution. I want to know if I am pregnant...even if it is going to end in a miscarriage. Then at least I know I can get pregnant. Some might not understand that, but I just have to know if my body at least works somewhat!

I have been working on revamping the look of my blogger so it is more "me", and not just the template. I know a lot of html, it's just figure out where in their template form I need to put them. I am hopefully going to add some pictures soon!

Well I have to cut this short because here at the radio station we are involved in a drive for non parishables to send to the Hurricane Katrina victims. And at this point I am the information center for all the businesses and media so I need to get back at it. I am so excited to be involved in this because I sit each evening just watching the coverage on CNN and Fox News and I cry. It just breaks my heart.

~Melody

A Better Week...

I have been having a much better week. I stopped bleeding on Sunday morning. I have been nervous all week though...afraid it will return. But so far it hasn't. I have three more days of provera and then it is most likely to return, but hopefully it will be normal. And then hopefully next cycle and will O! Which of course leads me to hoping to finally get PG. I have been so overwhelmed with the bleeding that I haven't had much time to enjoy anything else. Or talk about anything else. There really is much more than this going on in my life.

A couple weeks ago some old friends of mine came to town with their kids and I spent several hours with them. Luckily it was near the start of all this mess so I was able to enjoy it. I can't believe how big the kids are. I have been friends with them since they were pregnant with the oldest...and now they have 4. The youngest turned 3 in May. They are the greatest kids...and I could tell a million stories about them. I miss them so much since we moved (almost 2 years ago now). I used to see them daily. Now I am lucky to see them every two or three months. They obviously miss me very much too...they fought over who got to sit with me and who got to hold my hand when we were shopping. When we went from the restuaurant to Walmart, they even all had to ride in my car with me! I really do love being around the kids. My little nephews are the greatest too. Hunter (he just turned 3) got an infection last week and couldn't keep anything down...so they had to take him to the ER, so he could get some IV fluids. Well he made my brother call me. And he got on the phone with his saddest sound little voice and told me he was sick and I needed to come now. Of course I couldn't because it was 9 pm on Thursday night and I had to work the next morning at 8 am (it's an hour drive to see them). So I had to promise to come see him on Sunday so that he would let me go. Adam (my sister's) is 1 and a half now and he cries when I leave. I know not having kids of my own would be a hundred times harder if it wasn't for them and all the other kids' that I have had the opportunity to care for. Well I guess I best get off of here for now...Have a great weekend!

~Melody

Not getting any better...

Well I went to the doctor this morning. She said the bleeding was either a m/c, cysts, or endo. She did an exam, urine pg test, and an ultrasound. She just called back and said that everything looks perfectly normal. WTF!?!? Perfectly normal..well I am not feeling perfectly normal. I mean honestly 17 days of bleeding...with the last week being horrible bleeding. I can not figure how that is normal! So I have to take provera. Not overjoyed...she said I will stop bleeding for 10 days and then start again! Great news...just what I want to know...I get ten days of no bleeding and then who knows how many when it starts again! I totally hate being a woman at this point, and I wish I could hide for the next month!

I am buying out the Blue Bunny Ice cream isle this weekend!

~Melody

And it gets worse...

Last night I am out for supper with a friend. On our way from the restaurant to Wal-Mart my body decides to have one big gush...and it soaked through my pad (which was totally clean before that) through my underwear, and through my jeans. If I hadn't had a long shirt on it would have been worse. So when we got to Wal-Mart (I don't live in town) I had to buy new pants, underwear, and another bag of pads (they were on my list anyways). Then I had to go to the bathroom and change. It was horrible. Nothing like that has happened to me since 9th grade. And it wasn't even as bad then as it was now. It was awful, and pretty much took all energy that I had left. I went home and soaked in the tub with a romance novel (the only romance I am getting right now). So far today the bleeding seems lighter. But that has happened a couple times this cycle...and then it picked back up. So not counting on it ending. Let me tell you...if my boss wasn't on vacation right now, I wouldn't be at work today. I wanted to just stay home in bed. Talk about needing a half gallon of my favorite ice cream!

~Melody

Officially the worst TTC cycle yet!

Wow.. I can't believe I haven't posted in three weeks! What is wrong with me! Well probably because I have been taking my frustrations out on everyone around me instead of doing it here. Not good I know. But I am in such a bad mood almost all the time these days. First it was, I am sure, because AF was 20 days late...so lots of mood swings. But now it's because she won't leave! I mean today is CD 15 and she is still here...and doesn't show any signs of leaving anytime soon. This is the not only the absolute longest period I have ever had...but also the heaviest. I can't stand it any longer. The blood is making me sick. Thank goodness I have only had cramps a couple days, and they weren't horrible. But the bleeding is horrible. It's heavy flow, with lots of clots, and very red. Nothing old about it...even though I was 20 days late starting. My doctor can't get me in until Friday morning. Honestly I was hoping it would be gone by then. I don't know how much more I can take. I am horrible to everyone and between being mad about everything imaginable...I want to cry. I am certain part of my frustration is not being able to be intimate with Donny. So I guess I know that I am most definitely not getting pregnant this cycle! And we are even fighting because he says I am being too bitchy. Well wouldn't he if he was bleeding constantly for 2 weeks!?!? I over all feel horrible...stay in bed and do nothing horrible. And to top it all off...I have an infection in both eyes from the pollen in the air getting behind my contacts. So all in all the last two weeks have sucked. And I don't even feel better talking about it! I would in no way wish this cycle from hell on anyone!

~Melody

Well it's a Monday...

And a blah one at that. Nothing exciting to report really. It's overcast...and I am sure it is humid if I step outside. But I think I will stay in the comforts of the A/C here at work. Boy wouldn't I have loved to stay home in bed this morning. I could as we speak either be still in bed cuddling with Donny (I know...it's 1 pm...but he works nights so he will definitely still be in bed) or I could be up enjoying a cribbage tournament. Either way much more relaxing than working. Which I really need to get back to since lunch is ending.

AF still hasn't found her way to my house. She is taking her sweet time since I am now I believe 12 days late. I could be ovulating again any day soon, had she shown on time. But no that would be easy. I feel bad in wishing the BFN was wrong (on 7/1) because I haven't been doing good things in case it was. I haven't been taking my vitamins, eating right, sleeping enough, and have drank several times since the BFN. But none the less I find myself wishing I was pregnant. Well on the sad, depressing note...I think I best get back to work if I want to get out of here at 5. Which Donny will be a little upset if I am not since he has a ballgame at 6:30 and it takes me 35 minutes to get home...and another 15 to the ball field.

Hope everyone else is avoiding the Monday blahs...

~Melody

Do you ever just not feel good mentally?

Right now if someone where to ask me how I am feeling? I would say not well at all. But I wouldn't have any physical illness to tell them about. Physically I am fine...no aches or pains. But mentally I wish I was in bed sleeping the day away. I can't even explain exactly why. I just know that mostly I want to cry. Going to the message boards makes me want to cry...thinking about the BFN I got on Friday makes me want to cry...thinking of Donny being at work tonight makes me want to cry...pretty much everything makes me want to cry. And what doesn't make me want to cry...just makes me mad. I am so not a people person today. Or for the last few days actually. I just don't feel right. Maybe it's just because of the fact that my period still hasn't started...so maybe I have a million hormones surging through me. But whatever the reason I wish it would go away. I hate feeling this way. Geez just typing this makes me want to cry.

Our 4th of July trip to Des Moines was okay. I will write about it later. I am just not in the mood right now...

~Melody

Setting myself up for a heartbreak??

I am so afraid that is what I am doing. Here I am at CD 34 and 17 DPO. And I feel good about it because I haven't had any signs of AF at all. No cramps nothing. But I just feel like it is too good to be. And I am afraid I am reading too much into stuff and in the end that is what it is going to be...just reading too much into nothing. For instance Tuesday morning at 4 am I wokeup not being able to breathe because of the acid in my throat and mouth. That is the worse acid reflux I have ever had my entire life...it even made me throw up. Last night at Walmart I got dizzy bending over and back up from looking at some makeup on a low shelf. Today I wasn't hungry for my breakfast bar like normal (between 9 and 10) so at 11 I ate it anyways, figuring it wasn't good to not eat it since lunch only consists of a rice cake (my diet). But within an hour of eating it, I felt nauseous. So I skipped the lunch time rice cake. And honestly I think my pee smells funny. But of course pretty much everything I am thinking could mean I am pg...could also be attibuted to something else totally un-pg related. Everytime I find myself thinking this is finally it...I remind myself how crushed I am probably going to be, because I am probably not pg. I mean I am not the exactly the queen of regular cycles. This could be one of those no-ovulation cycles. Or one of those cycles where AF just wants to take her time showing up.

So at this point I am petrified of testing in the morning. But I know I need to so that I know. Otherwise I won't know how to celebrate the 4th. But let me tell you if that test is BFN...I don't know how I will get through the 4th. Because this time I know I am going to be more devastated than I ever have...

~Melody

P.S. On the hopefully plus side...Donny is "supposedly" going to hear tonight who got the job. Not holding my breath on them announcing it, let alone on him getting it.

I am going insane waiting...

I still can't believe it! They didn't tell them at the meeting yesterday, who got the promotion! And after I wondered all day and thought once I got home I would know. UGH!! So now I don't know when we will know. I just want to know so I can concentrate on something else. Well maybe I don't want to know so I can keep concentrating on that instead of whether AF is going to show or not. My temps are really low for supposedly having ovulated. But I am sleeping with a fan blowing on me now because of the heat. And we even installed an a/c in the bedroom last night. So that could explain them being low I guess. Well today is CD 28 and nothing so far...but 28 days is usually the shortest my cycles are...they go as long as 31 days. So if I am going to start it should be sometime this weekend. If I don't start then I am leaning more towards not having ovulated being the reason, then being pg. All this waiting is driving me insane!

I have been thinking I really need to allow more time somehow to post on message boards with ladies that have been TTC as long or longer than I have. Right now I don't feel like I am fitting in on the boards with the newcomers. I feel like I am almost a negative presence as far as TTC goes...I mean what lady who is brand new to TTC wants to see someone who has been trying for 2 1/2 yrs without getting pg. Plus I just feel like I need support and encouragement from ladies that know exactly how I am feeling...and I can only get that from those that are in the same situation. I don't want to disappear from my current boards...just cut back in order to move on. I hope that everyone understands and knows how much I still care for them and hope they get their BFP soon. Well I best get back to work so when 5 gets here, I can get out of here!

~Melody

Today is the BIG day!

Well today at the supervisor's meeting (4 pm central) they are going to announce who gets the Night Supervisor job! I am so hoping Donny gets it because he works so hard for them and would be very good at the job. And of course the extra money won't hurt. I don't think he will think he isn't good enough if he doesn't get it, he figures someone that has been there longer than him will get it. Regardless of the outcome I hope that they realize how much of an asset they have in Donny. Well I will be on pins and needles until I get to talk to him on his supper break tonight...

~Melody

Today is the day...

Donny's interview for the promotion of Night Supervisor. Right now he is a supervisor on nights, but he is just over one department. This job would be the Supervisor over the whole night shift. He would be number one in charge of nights...and number three in charge of the whole plant. He is up against four other guys...one off of nights (that is supervisor of another department) and three guys off of days. I am praying so hard that he gets this job. Not only could be obviously use the extra money but he works so very hard and deserves to be promoted. He is better at preparing himself for not getting it then I am. I am going to be devastated if he doesn't. He has been saying I think they will give it to (and names one of the other guys). But honestly if he doesn't get it I hope they give it to this guy off of days that Donny plays softball with, because he is an extra hard worker like Donny and deserves it far more than the other three guys. Well anyways his interview is at 4:20 today and I am hoping and praying super hard that he does well and that when they decide who gets it...it is Donny! I am going to be a nervous wreck until they announce who gets it. Which I don't expect them to hurry the decision too much, so it will probably be several days if not next week before we know. Well I best get back to work.

~Melody

Where does time go??

I can't believe it's been so long since I had an entry! I am not sure where all the time has went. I guess because it's summer I am extra busy. Between all the softball games and all station events I barely have time for anything else. Well that and playing in online cribbage games and tournaments! LOL. I am totally addicted.

I am in one of those modes again when it comes to TTC. I am about to quit everything...well of course except the sex part. That's the only enjoyable part of TTC. I am tired of temping...tired of analyzing everything...tired of it all. Some days its even hard to go to the boards because I am tired of reading and talking about it. I love everyone on the boards...I just hate TTC. I hate it so much right now...I don't want to write about it anymore.

I have hit a record high weight for me. I weight 45 pounds more than when I first met my husband...and it's really depressing. So I am now on a diet. And I have to make it work. I hate how I look and how I feel. So I am currently eating a Special K cereal bar for breakfast (90 calories), a rice cake for lunch (50 calories), a rice cake for a mid afternoon snack (50 calories) and then a normal supper. I figure supper can be almost anything I want since I have 1000 calories left for the day. I am trying to stick to 1200 calories per day. I only drink water and diet mt. dew (that's my somewhat luxury! But it has no calories). And I have been walking too. I know I need to work in more exercise to really help. But you have to start somewhere.

Tomorrow night we (the radio station I work for) are hosting a concert at the local fair. We are having Josh Gracin and Andy Griggs. It should be tons of fun! But exhausting as well. I hope the walk-ups are as much as our presale tickets have been. I will try to get some pictures to share...

Well I best get back to work...

~Melody

It's our 3rd Anniversary!!

Wow, it's hard to believe it has already been three years since we stood in front of our families and friends and said "I Do". It's been a great three years and I am sure there are many many more great years to come! As I stood up there in front of him in his tux (looking very sexy I must say) I thought there was no way I could ever love him more than I did that very moment. But I was wrong. I love him even more now...three years later. I thank God very much for the changes in my life that caused me to move to Iowa. Because without those...I would have never been blessed with him in my life. In three months we have been together for 10 whole years. That's more than one third of our lives we have already spent together. I would be lying if I said they have all been perfect. We have had our share of ups and downs...but what makes our relationship so great...is that we made it through the downs to celebrate the ups together. He is the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think of as I drift off to sleep each night (most of the time wishing he was there as I fall asleep...darn night shift jobs!). I can't imagine ever waking up and not know that I am going to see or hear his voice that day. So as we share our third wedding anniversary today all I am going to do is look forward to each and every day that will follow. And if we never get pregnant and never get to be parents...I will live a life full of love with him. And know that I have been blessed with a wonderful, loving, caring, and generous man as my husband...and that is more than some people get in their lives. So I end in saying how very grateful I am to have experienced the love and companionship I have with my husband...the love of my life.

~Melody

P.S. If you haven't told your spouse or significant other how very much you love them today...then go do it now!

Here we are again...

Okay so here I am once again ending a cycle. I ovulated late so I am guessing AF won't show for around another week, even if I am not pg. Today is CD 28 and I am 8 DPO. Usually I have at least a 13 or 14 day LP. So this cycle should end up being about 33 days or so. I admit my chart is very relaxed this time, which is abnormal. I mean my post ovulation temps are sticking at either 97.7 ot 97.8. And I know my BBT isn't malfunctioning because I just put new batteries in it less than a month ago. Having a different looking chart than normal makes me hopeful...probably more so than I should be. Even though my temps aren't high...they have a enough of a shift to indicate I O'd on CD 20. Have a look see if you haven't seen my chart..



So I am once again sitting here wondering if AF will show or if I will finally see two lines on a HPT. But don't worry I won't test until I am at least 15 DPO. So that means not before May 31st. Which our 3rd Wedding Anniversary is June 1st. So if AF hasn't shown by then, I will be torn on whether to test so I can say I got my BFP on our anniversary...or whether to not so if it is BFN I won't put a damper on our day. Decisions, Decisions. At any rate, I hate this part of my cycle...I am always watching for the slightest hint of AF...I almost drive myself crazy!

On the plus side...with the warm weather I have been keeping busy and active. Playing lots of badmiton and volleyball. Plus I am out enjoying watching him play on his men's softball team. I keep score for them...and let me tell you...there wasn't much score to keep last week. They got stomped on. But the two teams they played are the top two teams. We are talking teams that have had basically the same guys on them for several years, and have one championships. The guys have fun none-the-less and that is what matters. But I really hope they have a better night tonight...

Well I guess I better get back to work and try to quit thinking about AF and whether she will show this time or not...

~Melody

Hooray for the nice weather!

I am so excited that the weather has been just about the perfect temperature the last few days. I like the weather where it is warm enough for shorts but still cool enough you don't die in pants! And that has been how the weather is here. We have been playing volleyball and badminton the few nights...and tonight is our first softball game! Well it's my husband's first softball game. He is on a men's YMCA league. I am the scorekeeper or "Den Mom" as I have been titled! It's another one of those beautiful days today so the game should be perfect. I can't wait to get out of the office and to the ball field!

On the baby front I am kind of wore out. It is really starting to depress me to see all these people having babies like it is easy or something. It's just frustrating to know how very hard we try to time everything right and how great of parents we would make (not trying to be conceited though) and how loving our home is...but we can't get pg. And there are babies and children that are unwanted and unloved...and not taken care all over the place born to parents that truly don't know what a gift they have. And it is so hard to adopt. You have to have the home study and truthfully quite a bit of money just for the paper work and such. You would think they would want you to keep your money to help take care of the child!

I know I have so much in my life to be thankful for. And I really am. I just feel like I am missing a piece of my life by not being a mom. If I could just have one baby I would be happy. I have room in my heart and life for many...but would be happy if I had just one. As much as I would like the baby to be biologically mine and his together...I would be happy to adopt.

Well enough feeling sorry for myself. Back to concentrating on the beautiful weather waiting outside for me...only 3 hours left to go before I am heading home and then on to the ball field!

~Melody