Baby X's Birth Story...

If you haven't read the post preceding this one (Catching Up) you should do that before continuing this one...

Here is Baby X's birth story as clearly as I remember it. And really I am pretty clear about most details even though almost 9 months has passed since he was born...

I went to the doctor on November 16th for my normally scheduled weekly appointment. She checked me and I wasn't dilated at all...and I hadn't had any contractions...not even Braxton Hicks. So she told me she thought I had two weeks easily before he would be born...even though I had just 8 days left til he was due. She said I would definitely go overdue. He was head down but not engaged. So I left the office thinking I had to have more patience to get through until I would finally get to meet my little guy.

Fast forward to Friday morning...November 17th. I woke up at 5 am feeling very very sick to my stomach. I had it coming out both ends violently. Donny woke up when he heard me and came in to the bathroom very concerned. I told him I must have ate something that didn't agree the night before. I decided I really needed to go to work since I had so much I wanted to get done before going on maternity leave. The drive to work was horrible. My normal 35 minute drive is long...but it seemed far longer. I had this awful burning in my chest. By the time I got to work I felt even worse...and I couldn't concetrate to even get any work done. So I called the dr. office and spoke to my dr. I was really concerned that if I felt this bad...might it be affecting Baby X? She said if I wasn't having contractions, then I wasn't in labor. Well I didn't think I was anyways. She said it was most likely this awful flu that was going around. That I should just go home and rest and call her if I have contractions or if I get a lot worse.

My boss came in about half an hour later and was concerned about how sick I looked. I told her what the doctor said. She wasn't satisfied with that, so she had a co-worker take me to the dr. to be checked and if they said everything was okay, she was to drive me home (it takes 35 minutes to get home). Well the dr. saw me right away. She checked and I wasn't dilated or anything, so not in labor. She came back in and said I had to go to the hospital for IV fluids and for a stress test for Baby X. She said I had protein in my urine and my blood pressure was high. I got settled in a room and hooked up to the IV and machine to monitor Baby X at 10:30. I called Donny but told him he didn't have to come because they said after I got the fluids (I was dehydrated from throwing up so much) I would be sent home. A few hours later and what seemed to be a lot of fluid...I still had no change. Blood pressure still high, protein still present, and burning in my chest was still there (although it was considerably better). I actually did feel better as far as the flu symptoms went. But now they were concerned about Baby X. They saw some spikes that indicated his fluids might be low. So they told me they might have to do a c-section before the night was over, so they ordered a ultrasound to check on Baby X. They had me call Donny and tell him to come to the hospital now since we might have to have an ultrasound later. That was at 3:00 pm. My dad was going to drive to our house and get him. He was supposed to be there at 4:00 pm. They brought the ultrasound machine in a little bit later. Baby X's fluid was okay...be he was not. His heartrate when in the 180s and did not come down. Plus he quit moving around...he was in distress. The dr. said we had to do an emergency c-section that was at about 4:15 or so. I was in a panic. I was so scared because I didn't know what was wrong with Baby X. Plus his Daddy wasn't there yet! They told me if he didn't get there by the time they were ready to cut, he would have to stay out of the operating room for the whole thing! I couldn't imagine going through it without him!

They took me into the operating room (after putting in that darn catheter!) so they could put the spinal block in. That was super scarey and it hurt too! It took them three tries to get it in. And even though that really really hurt...it was a good thing it took that long, it gave Donny just enough time to get there. He literally got in the hospital, got a gown on, sat down in the operating room, and they closed the door and cut. Baby Xavier Lee was born at 5:35 pm, November 17th weighing 7 pounds 9 ounces, and was 20 inches long.

Xavier was born with a fever and his heartrate didn't come down. Plus his blood sugar was low. They immediately called for the helicopter from Des Moines to come get him. They were concerned because the fever was a sign of infection. They figure whatever I had been sick from, he had caught. He was put on oxygen and also had chest x-rays done. They came in a couple hours after he was born with him in a huge incubator. He had IVs and oxygen hooked to him. The worst was the IV was coming out of his head. They couldn't get it in anywhere else. So I had to say goodbye to my little Baby Xavier without even getting to hold him. I barely slept that night because I had to be so far from him. But I knew in my heart he would be fine. After all he was in a hospital with Doctors and Nurses that took care of babies much smaller and sicker than him. They knew what they were doing.

That is Baby Xavier's birth story...

~Melody

Catching up...

Wow! I do have some catching up to do. I guess things happened so fast after my last post that I just never had time to come back. I always had intentions to...and heaven knows I could have used a place to put my thoughts...other than keeping them in my head. But time just goes by so fast. I decided it is very important to get my thoughts back down. Because before you know it they are just faded memories that you have to really concentrate to remember. I want to record my thoughts while they are fresh...so when I read them later the details are so vivid that I can actually remember the moments. And even more so because I want to be able to share Baby X's moments with him later in life. You know when you ask your Mom or Dad something about when you were little and sometimes they can very clearly tell you the moment you are asking about, but sometimes they can't. I really want to be able to tell him clearly about every moment he asks about. And if I can go back and read my thoughts I will be able to remember the moment like it was yesterday...no matter how small it may seem.

You might wonder why an online blog and not just write in a diary? Well for one typing is so much faster than handwriting a diary/journal. I know they say writing it makes it more personal, and that might be...but I am so wordy that it kills my hand to keep up with my brain! LOL. Plus I want to be able to really brag to the world about Baby X's accomplishments and special moments. I am still refering to him as Baby X for a reason I swear. It's all about catching up.

So over the next few days/weeks...whatever it takes I am going to post some current stuff and some past stuff. I want to get all caught up. I am going to make seperate posts though...so there maybe more than one post a day..one present one past. That being said...I am going to end this post and begin a new one....the birth of Baby X! So sit back and enjoy the story...

~Melody

Where does the time go??

Wow it's been over a month since I posted last! I can't keep up. I have been posting little entries more often on Baby X's website. Keep up-to-date on my dr. appts. and such. I am going to copy it all down on hard copy in a journal for him to read later. I am now down to only 5 and a half weeks! I can't believe it! Even though I am clearly pregnant (almost out of clothes that fit!) and I clearly feel him moving all around in there...I still feel like it's a dream I am going to wake up from. In my mind I had decided I was never going to be pregnant. I knew I would be a mommy but I had come to the conclusion that we would have to adopt (and may still do that). So this still seems so unreal.

I think we finally have everything. We bought a super nice used Graco pack and play with a bassinet insert, mobile, and attachment that plays music or nature sounds, and has a night light. I got it for only $20 at a garage sale! It looks brand new! So that is what he will sleep in while he is sleeping in our room. We got a nice used travel system for only $50. It was a little dirt but I took it completely apart and washed ever bit of it. I removed all fabric and threw it in the washer and then put the frame work in the shower and sprayed it down with disenfectant. Put it all back together and the only thing that keeps it from looking new is a some scratches in the plastic tray of the stroller part. Those were are last major items we needed. I am going to have to track down a second car seat to have in the truck. I had a super nice one, that I have had for years. But when I called to order the replacement tongue for the buckle part (it got lost when my friend took it apart to clean it years ago) they told me that this particular model actually expires this December. That car seats have expiration dates on them (at least the Graco ones do-I will have to check other brands) and that they don't recommend you use them past those expiration dates. The customer service rep said that ever couple of years or so the safety guidelines for car seats changes and improvements are made. So a car seat past it's expiration date runs the chances of not being as safe as the newer ones. She didn't discourage using a car seat that wasn't brand new...just not one past its expiration date. So that is something I did not know. I was always under the impression it was okay to use a used car seat as long as you knew it hadn't been in an accident, it didn't have any broken parts, and it had all it's safety belt system. Well that is still true, but you have to also check the expiration date on it too. She said it is burned into the plastic at the back of the car seat. I have a friend who had already offered me a car seat her little girl used (she just turned two and it was brought brand new for her-so it will be within it's expiration date I am sure) before we bought our travel system. So I will probably just borrow it for the truck. I hate to buy a brand new one just for his truck, when it won't likely get used much. So I am going to research this car seat expiration date thing and pass along the info to everyone I know.

We hung the border up in the nursery the other night. We still have to put up some mini blinds. We will add curtains later. Plus we have some more artwork to buy for the walls above the border. But for now we are satisfied that we are ready for him. And honestly my body is screaming for him to be here too. My back is killing me and I am sleeping pretty poorly. Well I have lots of stuff to get done...so better close for now!

~Melody

Getting More and More Excited!

I can't believe that we are down to 10 weeks now! Baby X is growing and thriving all the time. He moves a lot now and it is the most wonderful feeling in the world! But I can't wait to actually look in his little face as I hold him in my arms. Some days I sit just marveling at him as he moves around inside me...and I am still in shock that he is there. I was at the point where I really didn't think I would ever experience this. Not that I didn't think I would ever be a Mommy, I just didn't think I would biologically have a child. I know that being a Mommy to any child is the most important thing I would ever do in my life. But it is such a magical thing to feel a child moving inside you. To know that you created this little life. And he was created with the love that has kept his Daddy and I going through all the tough times.

Speaking of his Daddy and love...I sit here thinking back to the affair and I realize while it was a horrible time in my life...I did learn a lot from it. I learned I was stronger than I ever imagined I would be. I learned that I am even more stubborn than I thought. And I learned a lot about forgiveness and the power of love. When I first fell in love I always told myself that if I was ever cheated on, especially after marriage, I would leave him. I felt like if someone could betray me that much, how could I ever forgive or trust them. I was so sure it would be easy to be so mad and hurt that I wouldn't want to be with that person anymore. But once it happened to me, it was different. I think forgiveness is a powerful thing. And that we should always forgive. But not necessarily forget. I forgive him for what he did but I know that having been through it once...I will not go through it again and stay with him. And now that we are going to have a child I know even more that if he were to ever be unfaithful again I would not stay with him. I do not want our child raised in a home with that kind of pain. I feel like we have overcome the pain from the affair and have rebuilt our marriage very well so far. I know our love for each other is very strong, and I don't think it was our love that was ever weak. What he did was a selfish thing, and it was all about his physical needs. I know he knows that now. And I trust that he will never do it again. When he looks in my eyes and tells me how much he loves me, how sorry he is, and how he won't ever do that to me again, I believe him. I know that our family is what means most to him now. I know that he is putting myself and our child first in his life. When I look into his eyes I see the man I fell in love with 11 years ago, I see the man I married 4 years ago, I see the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. He is there and he is working hard to show me he is here to stay. I know that our son will see the love his parents have for him and for each other, and I know he will grow up in a home where love is the most important thing. Everytime anyone mentions the baby I see the love his Daddy has already for him. And I know how much I already love him. And I know how much we love each other.

I know that things in life can change in a moments notice, but right now I am so happy and content with things. I hope that they continue on this path.

Oh and I keep forgetting to talk about what else crazy has been going on...I will make a seperate post about that...

~Melody

It was an awesome shared moment...

I have been trying for weeks now to get Baby X to cooperate and kick when Donny is around so he can feel him. But it never works...he will kick a couple times in the same area, I will call Donn in and he will put his hand on my tummy...and nothing, Baby X stops kicking. Well last night he was really active and kicking lots, so I thought I would try again. So Donny came in and put his hand on my tummy....and hooray....he finally felt his son move! A total of three times too! The look on his face when he realized he felt him move was amazing. His smile was as big as when they told us Baby X was a boy! I am so happy. I know how unreal a pregnancy is for me on occassion, but for him it is probably almost totally unreal. But to finally feel his son moving around has to help him feel more a part of things. I am just so happy to finally get to share that moment with him.

Things are going great between us. I feel like he is getting back to his oldself, from before the affair. It's like each day a little more of the man I fell in love with, 11 years ago, resurfaces. It just proves that love can overcome hard things like an affair. It's been a long road finding ourselves again, and I am sure there still will be moments when things come back about the affair. But for the moment I am totally enjoying my loving husband as we look forward to the arrival of our first child. People say a child can't save a marriage, and it's true. But I think a child can help make you realize why you got married in the first place. A child can remind you what a magical thing love truly is. This baby was created with love and is in turn reminding us what a powerful thing that very same love is...

There are a few other important things going on right now...but no time to explain. I will have write more tomorrow...

~Melody

Getting so excited...

I can't believe I am down to less than 15 weeks! Well that is if this little guy doesn't make me wait past 40 weeks. My nephew was almost three weeks past his due date when they finally had to induce my sister! He is moving more and more all the time. He actually kicked hard enough Saturday morning to startle me out of my sleep. Of course he only kicks that hard when Donny doesn't have his hand on my stomach! He has been moving more up around my belly button, which is so much more comfortable than down at my pelvic bone. I can always tell when he settles himself down so low because those muscles will really pull when I walk. My friend says I will be wishing he was back down there when he settles himself up in my rib cage. She said one of her girls were constantly in her rib cage. LOL. I don't much care where he is as long as I can feel him moving and know he is okay.

I have washed and either folded or hung up all the clothes I have for him so far. And let me tell you...there was a lot more than I thought! The changing table is pretty big and over half of one shelf is nothing but sleepers stacked all the way to touching the shelf above! They are anywhere from size newborn to a few 2T, and their are light weight ones, medium weight ones, and some blanket sleepers too! I even found a few gowns including two blanket type ones. I do want to pick up a few more of those. His closet is already full of 0-3 month, 3-6 month, and 6-9 month outfits. There are twice as many of the 0-3 than anything else so he is definitely set through winter (most of them are from my nephew who was also born in November). We have been buying some summer clothes on clearance in 6-9 month size and even a few 12 month (hopefully he can wear those by end of summer anyways). And I am planning on hitting a few garage sales this Saturday. Hoping to find a nice bassinette (they just aren't in them long enough to need a brand new one I don't think!) and maybe some clothes. I got a really nice swing for $15 yesterday. The lady just bought it in March for her youngest and he is done with it now. She said it was $50 when she bought it, but I am guessing she got it on sale because I have been pricing swings and that is a good deal. So I got a super good deal! I still have to find fabric and make new curtains for his room, and I have to buy a breast pump too. We are debating on whether we are going to buy a new travel system or just use what we have. I have two car seats that came from close friends so I know they haven't been in any accidents and I checked and they haven't been recalled or anything. And I won't need a stroller too much until spring, unless we just want it to do Christmas shopping or something. And I do have a stroller, it is nothing fancy but it would work. It is a model between an umbrella stroller and a full size stroller. So we aren't in a big hurry to make that purchase right now. We are trying to save to get a 3D ultrasound done in September. Plus we want to get a new digital camera before his birth. So we bumped those things up above the travel system.

Donny did the cutest thing yesterday. We both have myspace.com pages. Yesterday he was finally filling out some of the text portion of his. One of the sections is titled "Who I Would Like to Meet. Well when I read his page he had put under that section...my soon to be baby boy. I thought it was so sweet...even I didn't think of putting that under there. Sometimes he still surprises me.

Okay can you tell I am getting more and more excited? I just keeping walking in the nursery and imagining him there. I can't wait for November to get here so we can meet our little guy! Well I will quit babbling excessively now....

~Melody

Where has time gone??

I have been so busy I have been forgetting to post here. I don't even know if I can remember everything that has been going on!?!

Hmm where to start. Well my biological dad got married last month. So my family grew from me having one younger brother and one younger sister...to having one older step-sister (by only 9 months), one younger brother, one younger step-brother, one younger sister and two-younger step-sisters. Plus now instead of having three nephews, I have 3 nephews, 4 step-nephews and 3 step-neices. Us kids are all between the ages of 22 and 30 and the grandkids are between the ages of my unborn baby to 10 years old. So dad and my new step mom will no doubt be constantly busy between all of us! We are bigger than the Brady Bunch! LOL. If I get a hold of some good pics of my new family I will post them later.

My nephew Hunter (my brother's youngest son) turned 4! It is so hard to believe. He insisted to me he was 6 and I told him to slow down...him being 4 already was bad enough! LOL.

My sister, brother in law, and nephew Adam are moving a couple hours away (in the town next to where my Dad and most of my new family live). I am sadden that I will miss seeing them now but it is for the best for them because my brother in law got a good job there. With the baby coming I will be even more busy and it was hard to help them out as much as I would have liked to. But now I know they will have people to help them.

I had my latest OB appt. last week. I am now up 8 and a half pounds total. Which they said is nothing to worry about. I am so excited about how fast this pregnancy is going! He is moving a lot now. I even felt him kick hard enough a couple weeks ago that I felt it on my hand. But mostly I can only feel him internally. But I am hoping in the next couple weeks he will be moving enough Donny can feel him. He is anxiously awaiting that time too! We have been working on the nursery. We have the crib all ready to go...the crib set and mobile too! We also have matching border to put up too! We are down to just needing a car seat/stroller combo travel system and a dresser. I am getting a swing this week. We would like a new bassinette (well not necessarily new but a newer model) before he gets here because the one we have is an old wicker one. We already have the crib, changing table, walker, jumper, bouncer (2 actually), portable swing, and a play yard. We also have one car seat and one stroller...but they don't work together as a travel system. I found a lot of sheets and blankets from when I did daycare...plus a lot of toys too. I spent the weekend washing the bedding and disinfecting the toys. I also have a bunch of my nephew Adam's clothes in sizes 0-3 months and some 3 to 6 months. He was born in November so they should all fit Baby X this winter. We have been buying some clothes in 6 to 9 months and 12 months for next summer since they are on clearance right now. We are both getting so excited about his arrival. November can't come fast enough! Although his name is still not decided, so maybe November better not come too fast! LOL.

As far as our relationship goes...things are are really wonderful right now. He has been spending very little time on the internet at all. And a few nights ago he told me as November nears he has realizes more and more things. He said he realizes that he hasn't been treating me like I am the most important thing in his life. And he said the baby and I are the most important things in his life, and he is going to start showing it. And that he is going to spend more time showing me how much he does love. He said he can't wait for us to be a family. He knows this is what he has always wanted. I am really feel like he means it. He is silent when he can't say things like that, so if he says it, he means it. He has been good at hiding things from me, but he is not good at lying. So if he says it, it isn't a lie. He has finally looked inside himself and found what he really wants in life. I am so glad he has gotten there now. I was giving him til November to figure it out, but it is a relief to know it isn't taking him all the way to November to decide.

I truly believe that any relationship that was strong before an affair, can be after one. I believe that if two people love each other enough they can forgive and rebuild. I know an affair is a huge mistake and is one of the most hurtful things someone can do to someone they love. But it truly can be a mistake that is learned from. I only hope that anyone that goes through an affair can either rebuild and have a lasting marriage, or let go so that they can go on and find someone they can have a lasting marriage in. I am sure there are many cases when that is the best thing to do. I am just glad ours turned out to be the kind that can survive it, and that we can truly go on and be happy again.

I hope that anyone that reads my blog and may find themselves in a similar situation will contact me, I will do whatever I can to help you through the tough times.

~Melody

About the U/S---IT"S A BOY!

The ultrasound was wonderful. She said almost right off (after asking if we wanted to know) "It's a boy!!". He was moving the entire time, it was like the more she was pressing the more he moved. She said all his measurements are within a day or two of where I am in the pregnancy. All except his thigh bone, which she said was a few more days behind and she said it wasn't anything to worry about, it just indicates he might not be as tall as his daddy. Daddy is of course worried it might be something more. I am trying to put his fears at ease. He has his butt pushed up against my bladder and is kicking towards my hip, which totally explains why my left hip has been hurting! I have been telling Donny the last couple weeks that I was sure the baby was on the left side most of the time. And she said that is where he is. I can't believe for as much as he was moving on the u/s that I don't feel him yet. She said it shouldn't be long now. He weighs 217 grams and his heartbeat was 158. I so can't wait to be able to feel him. We went shopping Thursday evening and Donny picked out a mobile and crib blanket with sports stuff on them. He was so excited. He has been in the infants department before for gifts for others, but it was like it was his first real time. He was looking at everything in awe. It was so awesome to watch. I can't wait to start really working on the nursery with him. I had Winnie the Pooh curtains a friend made a few years ago...but I guess I will use them as a pattern to make new ones with a sports theme! In a few days I will be half way! I can't believe it.

~Melody