A Better Week...

I have been having a much better week. I stopped bleeding on Sunday morning. I have been nervous all week though...afraid it will return. But so far it hasn't. I have three more days of provera and then it is most likely to return, but hopefully it will be normal. And then hopefully next cycle and will O! Which of course leads me to hoping to finally get PG. I have been so overwhelmed with the bleeding that I haven't had much time to enjoy anything else. Or talk about anything else. There really is much more than this going on in my life.

A couple weeks ago some old friends of mine came to town with their kids and I spent several hours with them. Luckily it was near the start of all this mess so I was able to enjoy it. I can't believe how big the kids are. I have been friends with them since they were pregnant with the oldest...and now they have 4. The youngest turned 3 in May. They are the greatest kids...and I could tell a million stories about them. I miss them so much since we moved (almost 2 years ago now). I used to see them daily. Now I am lucky to see them every two or three months. They obviously miss me very much too...they fought over who got to sit with me and who got to hold my hand when we were shopping. When we went from the restuaurant to Walmart, they even all had to ride in my car with me! I really do love being around the kids. My little nephews are the greatest too. Hunter (he just turned 3) got an infection last week and couldn't keep anything down...so they had to take him to the ER, so he could get some IV fluids. Well he made my brother call me. And he got on the phone with his saddest sound little voice and told me he was sick and I needed to come now. Of course I couldn't because it was 9 pm on Thursday night and I had to work the next morning at 8 am (it's an hour drive to see them). So I had to promise to come see him on Sunday so that he would let me go. Adam (my sister's) is 1 and a half now and he cries when I leave. I know not having kids of my own would be a hundred times harder if it wasn't for them and all the other kids' that I have had the opportunity to care for. Well I guess I best get off of here for now...Have a great weekend!

~Melody

Not getting any better...

Well I went to the doctor this morning. She said the bleeding was either a m/c, cysts, or endo. She did an exam, urine pg test, and an ultrasound. She just called back and said that everything looks perfectly normal. WTF!?!? Perfectly normal..well I am not feeling perfectly normal. I mean honestly 17 days of bleeding...with the last week being horrible bleeding. I can not figure how that is normal! So I have to take provera. Not overjoyed...she said I will stop bleeding for 10 days and then start again! Great news...just what I want to know...I get ten days of no bleeding and then who knows how many when it starts again! I totally hate being a woman at this point, and I wish I could hide for the next month!

I am buying out the Blue Bunny Ice cream isle this weekend!

~Melody

And it gets worse...

Last night I am out for supper with a friend. On our way from the restaurant to Wal-Mart my body decides to have one big gush...and it soaked through my pad (which was totally clean before that) through my underwear, and through my jeans. If I hadn't had a long shirt on it would have been worse. So when we got to Wal-Mart (I don't live in town) I had to buy new pants, underwear, and another bag of pads (they were on my list anyways). Then I had to go to the bathroom and change. It was horrible. Nothing like that has happened to me since 9th grade. And it wasn't even as bad then as it was now. It was awful, and pretty much took all energy that I had left. I went home and soaked in the tub with a romance novel (the only romance I am getting right now). So far today the bleeding seems lighter. But that has happened a couple times this cycle...and then it picked back up. So not counting on it ending. Let me tell you...if my boss wasn't on vacation right now, I wouldn't be at work today. I wanted to just stay home in bed. Talk about needing a half gallon of my favorite ice cream!

~Melody

Officially the worst TTC cycle yet!

Wow.. I can't believe I haven't posted in three weeks! What is wrong with me! Well probably because I have been taking my frustrations out on everyone around me instead of doing it here. Not good I know. But I am in such a bad mood almost all the time these days. First it was, I am sure, because AF was 20 days late...so lots of mood swings. But now it's because she won't leave! I mean today is CD 15 and she is still here...and doesn't show any signs of leaving anytime soon. This is the not only the absolute longest period I have ever had...but also the heaviest. I can't stand it any longer. The blood is making me sick. Thank goodness I have only had cramps a couple days, and they weren't horrible. But the bleeding is horrible. It's heavy flow, with lots of clots, and very red. Nothing old about it...even though I was 20 days late starting. My doctor can't get me in until Friday morning. Honestly I was hoping it would be gone by then. I don't know how much more I can take. I am horrible to everyone and between being mad about everything imaginable...I want to cry. I am certain part of my frustration is not being able to be intimate with Donny. So I guess I know that I am most definitely not getting pregnant this cycle! And we are even fighting because he says I am being too bitchy. Well wouldn't he if he was bleeding constantly for 2 weeks!?!? I over all feel horrible...stay in bed and do nothing horrible. And to top it all off...I have an infection in both eyes from the pollen in the air getting behind my contacts. So all in all the last two weeks have sucked. And I don't even feel better talking about it! I would in no way wish this cycle from hell on anyone!

~Melody