Well we made it through it...

It wasn't pretty, but we survived last Wednesday night. I was so pissed off at him because...you guessed it...he didn't get home until 4:30 am. He withdrew $30 instead of $20 but he only spent $20. He thought I had no right to be upset because he only spent $20 of it and because he never promised to be home by 2:30 just because I asked him to. That and he said I should be happy because he was home by 4:30 because the after party lasts until 6 am now. WTF??? Men and their way of analyzing things. By the time I got home from work Thursday I had told him what I thought...which was basically that he should have been happy with the fact that I said yes you can go just be home by 2:30. And that if he wasn't going to respect my opinion in the matter then he wasted both of our time by discussing it with me before he went...because he did what he was going to do reguardless of what I thought. So I told him he did a poor job of showing me I could trust him and that he respected my feelings. Finally he did agree that I was right. I told him that I keep trying to take steps in restoring my trust in him...but he keeps taking these leaps forward...thus making us fall backwards in progress. Hopefully if this situation arises again anytime soon (although I honestly hope not) he will remember what we discussed and will respect me and my feelings more.

On the baby front...things are progessing. I am wearing more of my baggier shirts and elastic pants because my jeans are getting uncomfortable. I don't look like I am showing much...but it is pushing out my already chubby tummy...thus giving me the look that I have put on weight...but it doesn't look like a pregnant tummy! I can't wait until it actually resembles the tummy of a pregnant woman!

Oh this last weekend was sucky...and it was a holiday weekend, which meant we both had Monday off. But unfortunetly the stupid window a/c in our living room (which cools the livingroom, kitchen, dining room, and laundry room) quit working! And since it was in the upper 80s and lower 90s it was miserable hot in the trailer. So I spent most of it shut up in our bedroom because our window unit in there was working! It sucked! I couldn't get anything productive done! It has cooled down some and hopefully we will be getting a new a/c tonight. The one that quit working was only 2 years old...but since it is most likely the motor (called a repair guy) it isn't worth fixing because it would cost basically what a new one will. UGH!

~Melody

Not feeling so well...

I am not feeling so well right now. Donny just left to go out to the bar with this friend of ours that is leaving for the National Guard in a couple weeks. His weekends are busy so he can't go out on Saturday night when I can go to. I hate that Donny is going out without me...but I can't keep babysitting him all the time. I have to trust him sometime. What I hate right now is that I asked him to be home by 2:30 and he wouldn't promise that. Plus I told him to only spend $20 and he wouldn't promise that either. It makes me mad because he is always on me for spending money on stuff we don't really need but he can go spend money at the bar!?!?! At least the stuff I buy isn't a waste. I don't want him going to the "after party" which is from 2 to 4 am. But he wouldn't promise that. I think being gone from 10:30 to 2:00 is more than enough time in the bar. So I am mad because he couldn't just say "Okay baby...thanks for letting me go out in the first place, I will be home by 2:30 and I will only spend $20." I am thankful that this friend is leaving because he is the only one tht ever calls and asks Donny to go out to the bar! I doubt I sleep well until he is home...becaue I am so uncomfortable with him being out right now. I can't even call him because his friend's cell phone is broke. So I literally won't have a clue where they are or anything. I hate it! I just hope he is home by 2:30 because if not...it's not going to be pretty! This so sucks....

~Melody

Scared the hell out of me...

Donny did, but totally unintentionally. It was Tuesday morning at about 4 am. I woke up to go pee (as I do every night at least once) and before I crawled out of bed I looked over at him. And I swore he wasn't breathing-I didn't see his chest moving and I didn't hear any breathing sounds. Which I have seen him stop breathing while he slept before but it would only be a minute or less. I reached over and put my hand on his chest and didn't feel any movement. By now a couple minutes has passed. I touched his arm and it felt cool and clammy. I thought he was dead. I seriously thought he had quit breathing and died in his sleep. I started to panic and I screamed "Honey!". Which made him jump and open his eyes and look at me like "what the hell??". It was the scariest and freakiest thing that has ever happened to me. I can't even begin to put in words the fear I felt at that moment. I hope that never ever happens again! I might have a heart attack myself if it does!

On the baby front...I had my second OB appt. last Thursday. The dr. got out the doppler and spent a good ten minutes trying to find the baby's heartbeat with no luck. I laid there thinking to myself about how if she didn't find it that it didn't mean anything was wrong. That it is early to detect with the doppler and I am overweight...thus making it harder. But I was also thinking "Please just find it so I won't worry myself!". And finally about 15 minutes after she started (at least that is what it felt like!) she found it!! Beating loud and steady like during the u/s. So I breathed a sigh of relief. Little guy was hiding clear over on the lower right side. Oh yeah we have gone to saying he/him, everyone says it is a boy (except me because I am unsure really either way) so I gave in and going with the flow that it is a boy! LOL. We can't wait until 18 weeks to find out!! Right now I don't feel like I am showing...but my pants are starting to get uncomfortable. All I feel like right now is that what space is pushing out because of the pregnancy...is just pushing my fat out farther. So I just feel like I look fatter instead of pregnant! LOL. I can't wait until I look pregnant instead of fat!

Well time to get back to work...

~Melody

Finally updating on the u/s!

The ultrasound was awesome! I can still close my eyes and see our little one moving around on the screen! It was the most breathtaking thing to see and hear! Yes, we saw and heard the heartbeat very clearly! It was 188, likely high because he/she was moving around so much...kicking feet and waving hands. We could make out the hands and feet easily on the screen, but unfortunetly in the pictures she printed it's not so easy...looks more like a blob LOL. He was in more of an awe than I was because he hasn't ever seen an ultrasound, where I have. But it is a lot different when it is of your own baby! We can't wait for the next one at around 18 weeks so we know whether it is a he or she. Oh I am officially due November 25th. The ultrasound dated me from 10.5 weeks to 11 weeks, but she said most measurements were 10.5 weeks. I can't wait to hit 12 weeks, I will relax some. I try not to worry but I do. I try to remind myself that as long as I am taking care of myself, I am taking care of the baby too. But sometimes I find myself thinking I need to be even more cautious of when and what I eat and what I do. But I know in reality I do a good job taking care of myself and that everything will be okay.

I am starting to show already, but I know a lot of that is from being overweight to begin with LOL. Good thing it is summer and I can wear elastic shorts and light weight pants, because several pairs of my jeans are getting snug. They start off okay in the morning, but by midday they are starting to get irritating. So before long I will have to put them in the drawer to stay until after the baby is born. I am walking 1.25 miles a day (well weather permitting...darn rain!)with a friend in hopes of not gaining more weight than I have to. And since I am already over weight I don't actually have to gain too much. And my goal is to gain what they say I need to gain and not more. I think it will be easy, because at this point I crave veggies and some salty foods more than sweets. I figured I would become even more of an ice cream addict, but not so far. I am hooked on tomatoes and plain lay's potato chips...although not necessarily together LOL. Plus any frozen vegetable like corn, califlower, and broccoli. Donny might get his wish, he wants a child that will be a healthy eater and be in shape to play sports like he did! So if I have an increased veggie intake while pregnant...well our child maybe into veggies! LOL.

I think since I will be 12 weeks this weekend I will go ahead and start working some on the nursery. I have tons of boxes of stuff to go through that friends and family have given me over the years (hand me downs from their children), plus things I accumulated doing daycare. I have to decide what I will actually use and get rid of the rest to make room for new stuff. That will be a job in itself. Plus my aunt is coming from Nebraska to visit so I need to get the whole place cleaned up! I better get working....right after I finish making my Mother's day cards...which I need to finish tonight to mail tomorrow!

Well I best get working....

~Melody

Back again...

Man I haven't posted in awhile. I don't know how I get so far behind in posting! Things are progressing normally with the pregnancy. I have had a good share of nausea, but luckily it seems to stop at the nausous feeling. I have only actually thrown up a handful of times. And for the last several days the nausea seems to have let up greatly. I do think I have another yeast infection though. UGH! Thursday we have our first u/s (that I had to fight to get!). We are doing it to find out the due date more accurately. But I am hoping that we will get lucky and get to see and hear the heartbeat! Most days I still sit in disbelief that I am finally pregnant. I can't wait until it is more "real" so to speak. And hearing the heartbeat Thursday will really help that.

Donny excitement is building too. Last night he actually kissed my stomach. It was so sweet. We are doing so well. It's hard to believe that just a few short months ago our marriage was on a fine line that either of us could have fallen off of. I guess it totally proves that the affair was a totally selfish act on his part and that it was only about sex. I am thankfully each and every day that we were able to put things back together and continue building our lives together. It just feels so right.

We have discussed names a bit but decided we aren't going to share the names with anyone. Since the sex is something we are going to find out and share we decided something should be a secret...so the name is hush, hush. :) We have decided pretty much on the first name for a boy and the middle name for a girl!

Well I will be sure to post how Thursday goes!

~Melody