Setting myself up for a heartbreak??

I am so afraid that is what I am doing. Here I am at CD 34 and 17 DPO. And I feel good about it because I haven't had any signs of AF at all. No cramps nothing. But I just feel like it is too good to be. And I am afraid I am reading too much into stuff and in the end that is what it is going to be...just reading too much into nothing. For instance Tuesday morning at 4 am I wokeup not being able to breathe because of the acid in my throat and mouth. That is the worse acid reflux I have ever had my entire life...it even made me throw up. Last night at Walmart I got dizzy bending over and back up from looking at some makeup on a low shelf. Today I wasn't hungry for my breakfast bar like normal (between 9 and 10) so at 11 I ate it anyways, figuring it wasn't good to not eat it since lunch only consists of a rice cake (my diet). But within an hour of eating it, I felt nauseous. So I skipped the lunch time rice cake. And honestly I think my pee smells funny. But of course pretty much everything I am thinking could mean I am pg...could also be attibuted to something else totally un-pg related. Everytime I find myself thinking this is finally it...I remind myself how crushed I am probably going to be, because I am probably not pg. I mean I am not the exactly the queen of regular cycles. This could be one of those no-ovulation cycles. Or one of those cycles where AF just wants to take her time showing up.

So at this point I am petrified of testing in the morning. But I know I need to so that I know. Otherwise I won't know how to celebrate the 4th. But let me tell you if that test is BFN...I don't know how I will get through the 4th. Because this time I know I am going to be more devastated than I ever have...

~Melody

P.S. On the hopefully plus side...Donny is "supposedly" going to hear tonight who got the job. Not holding my breath on them announcing it, let alone on him getting it.

I am going insane waiting...

I still can't believe it! They didn't tell them at the meeting yesterday, who got the promotion! And after I wondered all day and thought once I got home I would know. UGH!! So now I don't know when we will know. I just want to know so I can concentrate on something else. Well maybe I don't want to know so I can keep concentrating on that instead of whether AF is going to show or not. My temps are really low for supposedly having ovulated. But I am sleeping with a fan blowing on me now because of the heat. And we even installed an a/c in the bedroom last night. So that could explain them being low I guess. Well today is CD 28 and nothing so far...but 28 days is usually the shortest my cycles are...they go as long as 31 days. So if I am going to start it should be sometime this weekend. If I don't start then I am leaning more towards not having ovulated being the reason, then being pg. All this waiting is driving me insane!

I have been thinking I really need to allow more time somehow to post on message boards with ladies that have been TTC as long or longer than I have. Right now I don't feel like I am fitting in on the boards with the newcomers. I feel like I am almost a negative presence as far as TTC goes...I mean what lady who is brand new to TTC wants to see someone who has been trying for 2 1/2 yrs without getting pg. Plus I just feel like I need support and encouragement from ladies that know exactly how I am feeling...and I can only get that from those that are in the same situation. I don't want to disappear from my current boards...just cut back in order to move on. I hope that everyone understands and knows how much I still care for them and hope they get their BFP soon. Well I best get back to work so when 5 gets here, I can get out of here!

~Melody

Today is the BIG day!

Well today at the supervisor's meeting (4 pm central) they are going to announce who gets the Night Supervisor job! I am so hoping Donny gets it because he works so hard for them and would be very good at the job. And of course the extra money won't hurt. I don't think he will think he isn't good enough if he doesn't get it, he figures someone that has been there longer than him will get it. Regardless of the outcome I hope that they realize how much of an asset they have in Donny. Well I will be on pins and needles until I get to talk to him on his supper break tonight...

~Melody

Today is the day...

Donny's interview for the promotion of Night Supervisor. Right now he is a supervisor on nights, but he is just over one department. This job would be the Supervisor over the whole night shift. He would be number one in charge of nights...and number three in charge of the whole plant. He is up against four other guys...one off of nights (that is supervisor of another department) and three guys off of days. I am praying so hard that he gets this job. Not only could be obviously use the extra money but he works so very hard and deserves to be promoted. He is better at preparing himself for not getting it then I am. I am going to be devastated if he doesn't. He has been saying I think they will give it to (and names one of the other guys). But honestly if he doesn't get it I hope they give it to this guy off of days that Donny plays softball with, because he is an extra hard worker like Donny and deserves it far more than the other three guys. Well anyways his interview is at 4:20 today and I am hoping and praying super hard that he does well and that when they decide who gets it...it is Donny! I am going to be a nervous wreck until they announce who gets it. Which I don't expect them to hurry the decision too much, so it will probably be several days if not next week before we know. Well I best get back to work.

~Melody

Where does time go??

I can't believe it's been so long since I had an entry! I am not sure where all the time has went. I guess because it's summer I am extra busy. Between all the softball games and all station events I barely have time for anything else. Well that and playing in online cribbage games and tournaments! LOL. I am totally addicted.

I am in one of those modes again when it comes to TTC. I am about to quit everything...well of course except the sex part. That's the only enjoyable part of TTC. I am tired of temping...tired of analyzing everything...tired of it all. Some days its even hard to go to the boards because I am tired of reading and talking about it. I love everyone on the boards...I just hate TTC. I hate it so much right now...I don't want to write about it anymore.

I have hit a record high weight for me. I weight 45 pounds more than when I first met my husband...and it's really depressing. So I am now on a diet. And I have to make it work. I hate how I look and how I feel. So I am currently eating a Special K cereal bar for breakfast (90 calories), a rice cake for lunch (50 calories), a rice cake for a mid afternoon snack (50 calories) and then a normal supper. I figure supper can be almost anything I want since I have 1000 calories left for the day. I am trying to stick to 1200 calories per day. I only drink water and diet mt. dew (that's my somewhat luxury! But it has no calories). And I have been walking too. I know I need to work in more exercise to really help. But you have to start somewhere.

Tomorrow night we (the radio station I work for) are hosting a concert at the local fair. We are having Josh Gracin and Andy Griggs. It should be tons of fun! But exhausting as well. I hope the walk-ups are as much as our presale tickets have been. I will try to get some pictures to share...

Well I best get back to work...

~Melody

It's our 3rd Anniversary!!

Wow, it's hard to believe it has already been three years since we stood in front of our families and friends and said "I Do". It's been a great three years and I am sure there are many many more great years to come! As I stood up there in front of him in his tux (looking very sexy I must say) I thought there was no way I could ever love him more than I did that very moment. But I was wrong. I love him even more now...three years later. I thank God very much for the changes in my life that caused me to move to Iowa. Because without those...I would have never been blessed with him in my life. In three months we have been together for 10 whole years. That's more than one third of our lives we have already spent together. I would be lying if I said they have all been perfect. We have had our share of ups and downs...but what makes our relationship so great...is that we made it through the downs to celebrate the ups together. He is the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think of as I drift off to sleep each night (most of the time wishing he was there as I fall asleep...darn night shift jobs!). I can't imagine ever waking up and not know that I am going to see or hear his voice that day. So as we share our third wedding anniversary today all I am going to do is look forward to each and every day that will follow. And if we never get pregnant and never get to be parents...I will live a life full of love with him. And know that I have been blessed with a wonderful, loving, caring, and generous man as my husband...and that is more than some people get in their lives. So I end in saying how very grateful I am to have experienced the love and companionship I have with my husband...the love of my life.

~Melody

P.S. If you haven't told your spouse or significant other how very much you love them today...then go do it now!