Getting More and More Excited!

I can't believe that we are down to 10 weeks now! Baby X is growing and thriving all the time. He moves a lot now and it is the most wonderful feeling in the world! But I can't wait to actually look in his little face as I hold him in my arms. Some days I sit just marveling at him as he moves around inside me...and I am still in shock that he is there. I was at the point where I really didn't think I would ever experience this. Not that I didn't think I would ever be a Mommy, I just didn't think I would biologically have a child. I know that being a Mommy to any child is the most important thing I would ever do in my life. But it is such a magical thing to feel a child moving inside you. To know that you created this little life. And he was created with the love that has kept his Daddy and I going through all the tough times.

Speaking of his Daddy and love...I sit here thinking back to the affair and I realize while it was a horrible time in my life...I did learn a lot from it. I learned I was stronger than I ever imagined I would be. I learned that I am even more stubborn than I thought. And I learned a lot about forgiveness and the power of love. When I first fell in love I always told myself that if I was ever cheated on, especially after marriage, I would leave him. I felt like if someone could betray me that much, how could I ever forgive or trust them. I was so sure it would be easy to be so mad and hurt that I wouldn't want to be with that person anymore. But once it happened to me, it was different. I think forgiveness is a powerful thing. And that we should always forgive. But not necessarily forget. I forgive him for what he did but I know that having been through it once...I will not go through it again and stay with him. And now that we are going to have a child I know even more that if he were to ever be unfaithful again I would not stay with him. I do not want our child raised in a home with that kind of pain. I feel like we have overcome the pain from the affair and have rebuilt our marriage very well so far. I know our love for each other is very strong, and I don't think it was our love that was ever weak. What he did was a selfish thing, and it was all about his physical needs. I know he knows that now. And I trust that he will never do it again. When he looks in my eyes and tells me how much he loves me, how sorry he is, and how he won't ever do that to me again, I believe him. I know that our family is what means most to him now. I know that he is putting myself and our child first in his life. When I look into his eyes I see the man I fell in love with 11 years ago, I see the man I married 4 years ago, I see the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. He is there and he is working hard to show me he is here to stay. I know that our son will see the love his parents have for him and for each other, and I know he will grow up in a home where love is the most important thing. Everytime anyone mentions the baby I see the love his Daddy has already for him. And I know how much I already love him. And I know how much we love each other.

I know that things in life can change in a moments notice, but right now I am so happy and content with things. I hope that they continue on this path.

Oh and I keep forgetting to talk about what else crazy has been going on...I will make a seperate post about that...

~Melody