It was a good weekend even though we ran into her!

Friday night was pretty uneventful. Saturday day I went shopping with a friend. Got some new fish which I got an awesome deal on because it was buy one get one for a penny! So my tank went from 1 lone gold fish to now having 13 total fish! I got four fancy tail something or anothers (they look like goldfish with fancy tails LOL); four neon tetras; an upside down catfish; a placostomas (sp) (algea eater); and two Platys (one looks like he has mickey mouse on his tail...kid you not it is plain as day the face and two ears in black on it's tail!). Her and I then drove over to where Donny and I are from so I could clean the dog pens and stuff like that (at our old house-that we rent to my brother-he takes care of my dogs because I can't have them where I live now). Then her and I picked up Donny and her husband (they work together) and the four of us went and had supper. Then we went home so he could take a shower and get cleaned up.

We went to a local bar to attend a party that we were invited to there. Well that group of people all basically took off between 11 and midnight. As they were all leaving Donny ran into a guy he used to work with. He was there with four friends and we joined their group. When the bar was about to close this guy asked us to go next door to the after party (it's where you take your own alcohol and dance and party some more!) but I said no we shouldn't go because she would be there. She always goes to it, and I didn't want to run into her. Because I knew if her and Donny had anything to do with each other it would be bad because at that point I was drunk. Well this guy told me not to worry about it because Donny told him about the affair and he would keep Donny with his group and we would be okay. So against my better judgement (which was impaired by the alcohol) I went. She was there of course. But the funny thing is I talked to her...Donny didn't, not one word the whole time. I don't know why I talked to her. I suppose it was because I was drunk, but when I looked at her sitting there it made me really said and I realized how much I miss her. I hate what she did to me having the affair with Donny, but I do miss her. And because I was drunk I couldn't control my emotions at all. I remember why I don't like drinking. I want to hate her so bad, but I can't. I do still want her out of our lives though. Because I know as long as she is across the street and probably even still in the area...I will always wonder if they are seeing each other again. Okay not always...but at least for a long while. I sat the next day thinking about how I had talked to her and what I had said and I felt pretty stupid. I mean I don't want her to know I miss her, because I don't want to miss her. I want her to know what she did to me. I want her to know it was wrong. So I hate that I talked to her. But I am so happy that he didn't say a word to her. He told me he didn't have the urge to talk to her. HOORAY!

Sometime during the night at the bar the bleeding stopped!! WOOHOO! So we had drunk sex sometime after we got home. I cried during it and after. Not really sure why...I just had tears streaming down my face. I suppose part of it was pent up from not having had sex since Thanksgiving, part of it because I knew he had sex with her from then until a few weeks ago, and part of it because of the alcohol. Last night we made love and it was wonderful. I am so glad we can once again have that part of our relationship. Yesterday he also made a comment that I didn't realize what it really meant until later. I can't remember exactly what I was talking about but it was something about having wanted to do something regularly but couldn't....and he said "well you don't have to worry about it now because I am back". I think that was him telling me he knows without a doubt he wants to be with me. I think that is the first solid step forward, especially when you add it to him not talking to her the night before. I know there may be set backs (I still worry about him talking to her on Thursdays) but I am feeling like in all we are heading forward...and it's a wonderful feeling!

~Melody