So tired today...

I am sure it is because of the fact that I am still bleeding! Yeah 22 days and counting. I called the dr. today and left a message to see if I needed to start taking provera. Because I figure I can't start the BCP until I stop bleeding, and I will need the provera to do that. Stupid body! And yes I said birth control pill. As much as I hate the thought of taking it....what other choice do I have. I don't want to continue having periods where I bleed for three plus weeks. I mean I can't have sex (which in itself sucks) and since I can't have sex, I am obviously not ever going to get pregnant anyways! So I figure I might as well try the BCP to get the bleeding under control so I can at least have a healthy sex life with my husband! Once we have that back, getting pregnant will be a bonus!

He is being so great about things now. I mean he is totally opening up to me and helping to say and do things to put my mind at ease. He even said tonight his plan is to go to bed with me (he is hoping I can manage to stay up a bit later than normal-so I might want to nap when I get home LOL) so that he can sleep in tomorrow morning. By going to bed with me he won't be up when she comes home after work, thus eliminating him going over then. But I am concerned about after he wakes up and I am at work. He said he is going to try his hardest to not go see her. I told him to get on the net and stay on the net researching stuff all day, or play his video games. Anything to keep him busy. He admitted it is her being across the street that keeps him from being able to not see her at all. It is too much to know that she is just sitting over there while he his home alone and bored. So I am going to try to think of something to keep his interest on the net...something he can research that he will find interesting enough to keep his mind off of her! I am seriously thinking of installing yahoo messenger on my work pc so I can chat with him off and on while I work. In hopes of keeping his mind on me...thus helping to keep him from going to see her! I think I will ask my boss if it is okay! At most she will say no. Good thing Thursday and Sundays are his days off...because since I have Sundays off work...we only have to work so hard to get through Thursdays!

I think most of his need to see her now comes down to the fact that it was just his routine before. That and being at her place helps remind him of the good times we used to have with her and her husband. And we did, before the affair, the four of us had a lot of fun together. I miss that I really do. But there is no going back now. Her and him ruined that when they chose to have an affair. I wish people thought more when they have an affair...but I guess if they did then they wouldn't have the affair, huh? I mean even if they would have, after the first time of having sex, realized how horribly wrong it was, and never did it again...we could have healed and gotten past it a lot easier. It is the fact that they kept doing it over and over...that makes it so bad!

Well I best get back to work...although I could really use a long nap!!

~Melody