Last night and today...

Last night was a huge breakthrough in my mind. But I am trying to not get too sure that it is going to mean what I think. He came over and was very sad. It made me sad to see him so sad. But in my mind I knew that he needed to be. I think he finally realized the result of the affair. He finally realized what is at stake. And I think he finally realized what being with her versus being with me meant. He said he was out looking for places to live. They had been talking (although he won't tell me exactly what about) and they must have decided it was best for him to not live with her. Well I told him to come home. There was no reason to go live some where else when he could just come home. Why stress ourselves more with the finances being harder? I can't believe that he wouldn't want to come home versus being on his own. I can tell that even though he has been with her all week, he is lonely. I think they both realized the lives they had before they did this, and they realize they had it good. That whatever they are feeling for each other, isn't as good as it was with their spouses. I am so hoping he is going to tell me he wants to come home this weekend. I am hoping so that we can work out a few things to get us through the Christmas and New Year's holidays together. I don't want to look back and remember that our tenth holiday season together was spent apart...or even unhappily. And if he comes back home and wants to work out our marriage it will be enough to make me happy through the holidays. Beyond that I realize it will be a long hard road, but I am ready to take his hand and travel it with him at my side. I am now hoping he feels the same way. I have given him no reason not to. If he reaches inside of him and remember what it was that made him fall in love with me ten years ago, and what made him marry three and a half years ago...he will see that still exists.

Today I am at peace no matter what happens. I know that I have done all I can to prove to him how much he and our marriage means to me. I have done all I can to let him know I am willing to forgive him and work things out with him. But I have also let him know I as much as I want to be with him forever...I can't wait forever for him to decide he wants to be with me forever. I know I can go on with my life without him if I have to, as painful as it is, I can. I can be with someone else and be happy. But I know I can never love anyone the same way or as deeply as I have loved him. So I am hoping he can realize that in his heart he feels the same way. Because I know him better than he knows himself, and if just lets his heart take over he will realize where he is meant to be...and that is with me, the woman he married.

~Melody