Just can't concentrate today...

I am at work but hardly getting any work done. I just can't seem to concentrate. I mean it's been a problem through this whole ordeal...but it seems far worse today. I don't know why...but my mind is in a million more directions today than normal. I just want to sit down and cry. I just want my life back. I just want her to go away...far far away. I want my husband back...I want our love back...our want our marriage back...I want our future back. I just feel like it is all gone now. I feel like everything that I thought my life was...isn't real anymore. I feel like the life I was living suddenly isn't mine anymore, that it was replaced with this life I am living now. The one full of uncertainty, full of hurt, full of anger, full of loss. And I don't know how to handle it. I don't know what to do. I am feeling so lost right now. I love him so much that I can't let go no matter how hard I try. He is with me and he says it is what he wants...but why do I feel like it's different now. That he doesn't feel the same for me as before...like some how it isn't as powerful? Like our love isn't as strong or real? Like we are walking through our life because it is what we are used to. I feel like his passion for me is less, his thoughts of me are less, his love for me is less. I feel like I am this needy person just clinging to what is left of us from before. How do I get it back? How do I bring back what brought us together in the first place? How do I make what we have had all this time special again? How do I make him see that it can be done? How do I make him fall in love with me again? How do we go on from here? I feel a desperation like none I have ever felt before. I feel loss like I have never felt before. I feel pain like I have never felt before. I feel like all that was me is changed....

~Melody